Wednesday, April 19, 2017
CHAIN LETTER (By James Darko)
By James Darko
After a rough day at work or school, there was nothing better than coming home and hearing those three magic words.
“You’ve got mail.”
Before broadband, before Wi-Fi, before 4G, there was dial-up.
But since its inception, a darker side of the World Wide Web has always existed, hiding in the shadows of cyberspace. And it’s only a click away. Click the wrong link, type the wrong phrase in a search engine, and you could open your eyes to a world of filth, depravity, and unimaginable terror…
Zeppelin420: Yo. Sup?
Sk8rHawk87: Nm u?
Zeppelin420: Same. Bored. Wish I had a joint.
Sk8rHawk87: Did u do ur book report yet?
Zeppelin420: Which 1?
Sk8rHawk87: The report 4 Mr. Dubin’s class
Zeppelin420: Nah not yet
Zeppelin420: We still got 2 more weeks of spring break
Zeppelin420: Plenty of time
Sk8rHawk87: Have u started any of your book reports?
Zeppelin420: I’m working my way around to it
Sk8rHawk87: Ur gonna wait till the last minute like u always do
Zeppelin420: So wat? I still pass
Zeppelin420: Blow me Hirschfeld
Sk8rHawk87: What if I paid Neville to blow u instead?
Zeppelin420: I bet he’d do it for free
Sk8rHawk87: Lol you’re prob right about that
Zeppelin420: Hey do you think Mr. Dubin smokes weed?
Sk8rHawk87: It would explain his choice of sweaters
Zeppelin420: How cool would it be to smoke with 1 of our teachers?
Sk8rHawk87: I’ve never smoked
Zeppelin420: Ur such a square dude
Sk8rHawk87: I’m a square because I value my brain cells?
Zeppelin420: Were freshmen now
Zeppelin420: Party well u can
Sk8rHawk87: I prefer getting straight A’s and not getting grounded by my parents
Zeppelin420: I’m gonna get u to blaze 1 day
Cherrrylips joined the group chat
Zeppelin420: Sup slut?
Cherrrylips: Nm dick licker. What r u 2 cock knockers talking about?
Sk8rHawk87: Mr. Dubin’s class
Zeppelin420: And smoking weed
Cherrrylips: OMG Mr. Dubin def smokes. I can smell it on him sometimes.
Zeppelin420: I knew it!
EmoGothChick28 joined the group chat
Zeppelin420: Who invited the basket case?
EmoGothChick28: Fuck u Wade
EmoGothChick28: Ur just pissed I turned u down at Brie Morgan’s party
Zeppelin420: Oh please Paige don’t act like ur anything special
Zeppelin420: U should consider urself lucky I even tried to get with you
EmoGothChick28: Oh yea it’s a real badge of fucking honor
Cherrrylips: Should Hirschfeld and I sign off and give you 2 some privacy?
EmoGothChick28: Oh fuck u 2 Cindy
Cherrrylips: Chill Paige. I was just kidding.
Zeppelin420: U guys r way 2 uptight. Ya’ll need to get high.
Sk8rHawk87: Is that ur solution 4 everything?
Cherrrylips: Hey where’s Neville? He’s always on his computer
Zeppelin420: Idk. I heard he’s been doin a lot of wrist cardio since he broke up with his gf
Cherrrylips: Wrist cardio?
EmoGothChick28: I just got it…
Cherrrylips: Ew me 2
Neville742 has joined the group chat
Zeppelin420: Speak of the Neville
Neville742: What’s that supposed to mean?
Cherrrylips: Never mind. Let’s change the subject
Cherrrylips: Who is going to Lauren Cantwell’s party on Friday?
Zeppelin420: I’m not invited
EmoGothChick28: Big surprise
Zeppelin420: Fuck urself Paige
EmoGothChick28: I’d rather fuck myself than fuck u
Zeppelin420: So ur gonna pretend that nothing ever happened between us
EmoGothChick28: Give me a break. We tried hooking up once and you were drunk and couldn’t get your little needle dick up.
Sk8rHawk87: Knock it off u guys
Neville742: Whoa wtf did I walk into?
Zeppelin420: I hate you Paige
Cherrrylips: So I guess no one else is going to the party on Friday?
Zeppelin420: Who cares about Lauren’s party? That bitch acts like she’s so special cause her parents are loaded. And she always emails those annoying chain letters.
Cherrrylips: Ugh those r the worst
Cherrrylips: She always sends them to me. I feel so bad having to send them out to people. But I don’t fuck around with chain letters.
Neville742: Same here. I never ignore chain letters. I have enough bad luck as it as.
Sk8rHawk87: She sends them to me 2
Sk8rHawk87: I hate it
Sk8rHawk87: But I always feel compelled to send them
EmoGothChick28: I’m guilty 2. I forward every chain letter I get.
Zeppelin420: Really? I never send those things
Zeppelin420: I just delete them
EmoGothChick28: Did u guys see the last one Lauren sent? It creeped even me out
Sk8rHawk87: Yea that was something
Zeppelin420: lol what was it?
Zeppelin420: I probably deleted it
Cherrrylips: I can’t remember what it said. Hold on. I think I still have it.
Cherrrylips: I’m gonna copy and paste it
Cherrrylips: “Every chain has a link. Every link has a life. Break the chain, lose a life. Send this to five people or Death will come for you. You have 24 hours.”
Zeppelin420: LOL very funny
Sk8rHawk87: Cindy’s not joking. Lauren sent that email to me. Gave me the willies. I sent it out right away.
Neville742: Lauren emailed it to Paige and Paige emailed it to me
EmoGothChick28: Lol sorry Neville but I got freaked out when I read it
EmoGothChick28: Please tell me you sent it to 5 people
Neville742: Of course I did lol
Zeppelin420: Wait…that does sound familiar. Brb
Cherrrylips: Where’s he going?
EmoGothChick28: He’s prob whacking off or smoking a joint
Zeppelin420: I just checked my email. She sent it to me last night. I guess I read it but I forgot 2 delete it.
Neville742: Did you send it to 5 people?
Zeppelin420: Hahaha no. I never send those stupid things out.
Sk8rHawk87: What time did she send it to you?
Zeppelin420: Idk around 9
Sk8rHawk87: Wade…It’s nine o’clock
EmoGothChick28: LMAO Hirschfeld that was perfect
EmoGothChick28: Like something out of a horror movie
Cherrrylips: Uh oh looks like ur time is up Wade lol
Sk8rHawk87: It’s just a silly chain letter
Sk8rHawk87: They can’t really hurt anyone
EmoGothChick28: Or can they? What do you say Wade?
Sk8rHawk87: Very funny dude
Sk8rHawk87: You got us. Now come back.
Cherrrylips: Wade? U there?
Neville742: Come on dude. Stop dicking around and answer us.
Zeppelin420 has signed off
Neville742: Relax guys. He’ll come back. He’s def fucking with us.
Sk8rHawk87: I’m calling his house right now
Cherrrylips: It’s been five minutes Hirschfeld
EmoGothChick28: Yea what’s the story?
Sk8rHawk87: I can’t get through to his house. The line is busy.
Neville742: Guys this is Wade we’re talking about. I’m sure he’s fine.
On Wednesday, April 14th, 1999, Wade Thomas vanished without a trace from his Red Bank, New Jersey home. He never returned.